The West London's RWC blog

Friday's Newspaper Headline - for Sun Readers

"Wales hunts Japan"
(but only for scientific porpoises...) . Also, there is bound to be a lot of 'noise' about Jose Mourinho. He is just so hacked off that his dentist, lawyer, chef etc... in the Rugby World Cup are getting more publicity for being  decent blokes than he ever will - that 'The Special One' has thrown a hissy fit and gone. Ugh! soccer - it's just so boring!

Thursdai's Match

Here we are again - stuck in a pub in Cardiff drinking Brains Dark, it's raining, old Dai Stedford is selling copies of the South Wales Evening Post (a Welshman's nearest thing to Le Parisien) and coachloads of portly gents in red blazers are brylcreeming down their hair ready for  a  towering rendition of 'The Bloody Great Fishes Song' once they have taken their place on the sacred turf of Cardiff Arms Park. Yes friends, it is World Cup Rugby at its most romantic - Wales v Japan.
It is a well known fact that the Japanese kill Wales given half a chance...but they do it in the interests of scientific research. It is as near as they will get unless Thenations 6  malaise rears its ugly head once again. I say this on the grounds that one of the top British Isles sides must strike some truly convincing form before it's too late. Wales can do that job if they put their minds to it. ("Pay attention at the back there Jenkins!") We will see - as ever. Picture shows a Vera Lynn classic - 'Whale Meat Again'.

Match report - Italy v Portugal

Another outbreak of the virus Thenations 6 struck last night as a debilitated and directionless Italy plodded past the closely related team of Portugal. This is the World Cup of the underwolves and the Lobos gave another competent demonstration that they can defend, even if they lacked a bit of speed of thought when attacking. It is a truly sporting moment when the crowd warms to decent endeavour and they were well rewarded with a nicely  worked try just before half time. Never mind - another 'nearly' game that keeps us thinking. Roll on tomorrow - another sun soaked game in the French climate...oh hang on a minute it's in Cardiff. Again. So it would have been raining then except that the roof will be on. Bet the players will be slipping over as usual!

Wednesday's La Matcha

Hello folks, still staggering around the streets of Edinburgh eh? Well, today's offering has a genuine latin flavour as the geezers from Portugal take on the moderately successful Italy (the ones that walloped Scotland in the last six nations - for those that need a reminder of their abilities.) The Portugal team will have two Mateus in their rosy red shirts, along with three 'Uvas'.(Not often do rugby teams play three sweepers...) For Italy, expect Troncon to bully his forwards as usual, with Martin Castrogiovanni slipping into the hairy monster berth in the vestiares -  the changing rooms. A win for the Azzuri again - listen out for their anthem...the 'best in show'! (I'll talk about this as another topic.) Have a good day. Here's some classic camerawork!

"ALI HOGGS THE TRY SCORING, AS SCOTLAND 'ROR' THEIR WAY TO VICTORY OVER ROMANIA"

Tonight was a historic evening for Scottish rugby.
In front of a packed house, the kilted warriors annihilated (or is that Annie elated?) the Eastern bloc monsters of Romania. 42- 0 the final score, with Ally Hogg scoring three McTries. All in all, a satisfactory prelude to a thumping by an upcoming Sunday match against New Zealand. Special soldiers have been drafted in to look after the visitors to Murrayfield this Sunday...a spokesman said that a detachment of the All Black Watch was on permanent standby to protect the team against the imminent threat of faggots and deep fried mars bars. Commodore Tim 'Larry' Laurence thought that a haka was someone who broke into his computer - "Aye Aye your majesty!"

Loup de Mer

There! That got you didn't it! "Loup de mer" is French for sea bass. Sea Bass is the (English) nickname of the caveman. The 'Caveman' is the (French) nickname given to one of the players from the French national team, Sebastian Walters er... Chabal.
He flies like a butterfly and stings like a behemoth - yes - it's the hairy hunk looking for a transfer to Stade Francais so he can appear in their calendar and earn even more €s! Good on him - if we were all paid for being a bit ugly I wouldn't have to work again!
Anyway, a disturbing disease has affected damsels in this country...mostly ones in distress, that dress or just wearing tracksuit bottoms with a muffin top...Four years ago Wilkinsonitis Hackettitis took hold in the UK and reduced women of all ages (mental and physical) to swooning wrecks. They are being called Chabalists. Shabby Miss more like - after all that money spent on bloody Eau Savage and Old Spice, what do we real men have to endure..? Someone who looks like a cross between a mop and a sack of spuds. Next thing you know he's going to appear on telly wearing a Breton fisherman's stripey shirt, reciting Eric Cantona poems. Next thing we know, all the women will be worshipping players with daft names - 'Cedric' or ' John the Baptist' for example... but for now at least men, it's hairy time.

Very hairy!

The Trek to Toulouse...

Profitable  - as expected for France (and the caveman's advertising income). Walk in the park for Fiji (!) and Samoa became my first prediction mishap so far.
I guess they will be making amends for their conservative, restrained rugby by knocking lumps out of England. Tomorrow is a day of rest and fun - what are you lot doing? (Going to write something?)

Doppelganger Shock to France XV on Matchday...

The France team has been thrown into turmoil before tonight's game against Namibia following the revelation that, allegedly, one of it's World Cup team is an Englishman.
Track back to early 1977, the clubhouse was rocking after another French victory at Twickenham. (3-4).  (Remember folks, this is 'West London Old Skool'  - Old Gaytonians - although many were not called either Tony or Ian...) Anyway, undigressing, there was a young 'toyboy' hanging out down there by the name of  Chris 'Shabby'  Walters. Louche in extremis, it was not long before the French supporters that travelled to Twickenham and then to the Club for a beer were enraptured by his caveman like looks (let alone his habits). This was a man who licked raw eggs from tables, ate curry and drank anything (including your beer if you put it down). Fast forward to 2007 and the scandal erupts! What happened? Did 'Shabby' really do a 'pas des deux' with the young impressionable caveman lover lady from Valence? Why was she there anyway - it's miles from Paris?) Bernard Laporte has left the door open for explanations but we can only speculate that Shabby has been reincarnated...Doppelganger!  Sebastian Chabal's grandmother was unavailable for comment  last night - she is pictured here to indicate the  hereditary trend  that might help unravel the mystery. Watch the news after tonight's game for further information.

Sunday's Games

Most of you will be back from church in time to see Fiji and Canada display their rugby wares on the  high table of Welsh  rugby - an eventual win for  the Islanders I feel...
Samoa and Tonga. Montpellier. The weather . Should make for an interesting game - sponsored by 'Band - Aid' and 'Plasters of Paris Ltd'. I expect nothing less of ITV than to add in the Batman and Robin style cartoon exclamations at every contact..."Bosh" "Argggh"  "Kapow" "Boooooooooooom!"   - you know the sort of thing...
Then the weight of the nation, the future of the government, the lucrative contracts with Nike - France have everything Toulouse. However, all will be well with the world by 10pm this evening, and the 'Rive Gauche' in Paris will be awash with the Hegelian merits and Socialist revolutionary tendencies of long hair in professional rugby... ie: a win for France.
It is a bright, sunny morning in London - enjoy the day - and the rugby too!

When Irish Eyes Are Shining

Another duffing up for a six nations side. Ireland got put through the mincer by the Georgian pack this evening. Where next for the most agressive bunch of forwards in the six nations...(get a few games with a cushy, rich English club and float away into obscurity..)?
Great entertainment for the paying spectators though. Except those who were Irish - and paid!