"Och Aye The Noo Zealand"

" Okay gentlemen, I'll be brief - we have a table booked for McTavish's restaurant in half an hour...
First of all, to even things up a touch, we'll arrange it so that both teams play in identical kit - everyone watching will be a bit confused and that way, the Scottish public will see their team running with the ball, maybe scoring and they will flock back to Murrayfield for the next match.
"Good idea boss"
"Secondly, we get the haka meisters to do a new dance - we don't allow the others because it'll fall foul of the Health & Safety regulations - incitement to riot etc etc...make 'em do a highland fling or a cheeky, more feminine number. Definitely don't let any big, tattoed Maori lead it too - give it to someone who's a bit on the shy side maybe...
"Yeah - great boss - when's dinner?"
"And we need to think about the referee, I don't want..." "That's OK boss - the guy is Joubert - South African. He's not gonna care much anyway."
"Sorted. Let's eat."

Cut to the NZ team meeting - Graham Henry is briefing his men...
"Right boys, we gotta take this one easy - not too many tries and give the crowd their money's worth. Let the oppo tackle a bit and run around. Sure, score a few but make it look as though you're screwing up under tackling pressure. The ref has told me that to make it fair, he's going upstairs for any try we score within five metres of the touchline, so Douggie, you're bound to get a chance - just make sure you get under the posts...you have been warned."
"Oh - one last thing - we gotta do haka number 3b in the songbook - gotta make it a bit... er Scottish looking - bit poncey - that sort of thing, not too much of the old eyeball stuff this time - got it?"

And so it came to pass that Scotland were defeated by forty points. Which is not bad under the circumstances - at least the teams do not need to swap jerseys (- a shambolic decision on someone's part). Highlights included watching Nick Evans the replacement back for the All Greys - lovely running skills; and someone (Masoe?) putting in a big hit on poor Craig Smith - the big hairy potato I mean prop got picked up and shovelled back towards his try line as he 'accelerated' from the Scot's '22' with ball in hand.
Apart from France, it seems that all the next pool matches for the six nation's sides are 'knockout' games - is that true?
Woe.
Have a lovely evening and a nice break from the rugby tomorrow.

Comments

[annie]

Just had an idea - to sort out the clash of shirts. next time arrange for that highland cow, last seen in Sussex, with 'blue- tongue' disease to give the Scottish team a good licking, before kick off, instead of the all blacks - after kick off!

[Miss Mctavish]

I hope the reference to 'highland cow' is nothing to do with me!

[Rab E Lais]

Are youse talkin' about ma missus Jimmanniey? She gives a right good lickin' tae ma picture of Rangers each saturday morn - else ah tak ma bonnet off an give her a Glasgie Kiss, an' ah will if I sees her hanging around them poofter rugby men too. Her tongue's blue 'cos a strangle her on a regular basis that'sall...ye ken?