The West London's RWC blog

Not All Cavemen Are Ugly!

Yes - it has got a lot to do with diet, lifestyle and nagging (Tr: 'enquiquiner')
but us boys need that little bit extra to keep us young. Take Johnny Halliday for example (I wish someone would) - he has bounced back so many times now, he's known as "rubber Johnny". Anyway, his secret is a magic bottle filled with the tablets of youth. We gave some sample bottles to selected Parisien friends and also tried them ourselves. Undoubtedly, the French version of  Cliff Richard gives grizzly old cavemen the chance of a future - look what it has done to all these old gits - young again!

So we gave the caveman some and look what happened!

Up Sport! (Anag.) France.

Yes. We will all be supporting France in their quest to rekindle the romantic game that was drilled out of them by Bernardo Lasporte, working under strict instructions from his Leader, who, in turn, had the hump because his nearly ex-wife is going to take him to the 'agents de nettoyage'. (cleaners). She will be fit long after Sarkosy the man has turned grey  - weary from so many strikes and Laporte's 'skipping for fitness' policy. "Gris pas gras" will be the cry of crowds gathering in village squares throughout France.
That's after the XV beat a tired Argentina tomorrow evening.
It would be too boring to quote the whole of the Marseillaise - if only because it is available - in both languages here - suffice to show a little video of some bloke getting the nod and being alowed to sing in the bar...cool stuff! Watch and enjoy - like I hope we all enjoy the game tomorrow.

South Africa XV For Their Big Game.

No change for the Springbok. Hopefully no change for them on Saturday. Jonny to slot them over...

England Lose...

...but it's only the soccer! Good riddance to that bunch of over-rated, overpaid bores with yobbish tendencies! Anyone who listened to the inarticulate admiration given by Steve McClaren when talking about his wonderful men (ugh - sickbag time) must have thought they won 10 - 0, not lost 2-1. And still the majority play the sport; probably because it doesn't take a whole heap of concentration and involves a lot of shouting and swearing/ general abuse - with the odd push and shove / kick and spit. Chavs!

A Word In Your Ear

Not much has been said about the commentary on television for this Rugby World Cup. (I haven't listened to any emission from the radio so I couldn't possibly comment...)
So.
I think Jon Champion has been THE voice of  ITV and has combined well with Murray Mexted  ( pre - throwing his toys out of the pram and reverting to his NZ bias...) and offering a dish of varied tastes in conjunction with Will Greenwood, who is a smart operator with recent playing experience. 'Our Will' does not um and ahh his way around the pitch - he has fact, anecdote and repartie at his disposal - and seems very comfortable with it. ("What do you call the play-off for fifth and sixth place in the World Cup?" Answer: The Bledisloe Cup ) John Taylor, although reasoned in his delivery, lacks a bit of oomph! when it matters.
On to the supposed 'stars' of broadcasting and we have Miles Harrison and Stuart 'the oaf'  Barnes. Little Stuart is definitely past his drink by date and, therefore, I declare that Jon Champion, ably assisted by Miles Harrison should commentate on this tournament's final match - Will not so Greenwood offering pitch-side summary perhaps. For the blood and guts battle on the Friday it might be nice to hear John Taylor and Will Greenwood together. Stuart, dear boy, you may have a rest...perhaps another bottle of Pouilly-Fumé?  Hic!

Actualité

PARIS, 17 October - England head coach Brian Ashton on Wednesday announced his team to play South Africa in the IRB Rugby World Cup final on Saturday at Stade de France.

England team:

1 Andrew Sheridan 2 Mark Regan 3 Phil Vickery (c) 4 Simon Shaw 5 Ben Kay 6 Martin Corry 7 Lewis Moody 8 Nick Easter 9 Andy Gomarsall 10 Jonny Wilkinson 11 Mark Cueto 12 Mike Catt 13 Mathew Tait
14 Paul Sackey 15 Jason Robinson
Replacements:
16 George Chuter 17 Matt Stevens 18 Lawrence Dallaglio 19 Joe Worsley 20 Peter Richards 21 Toby Flood 22 Dan Hipkiss

Brain Ashton has no sense of adventure - he can always go safe and bring Cu*t* on if the going gets tough for Hipkiss. What's he going to do when Cu*t* has a casual dip at the ball with whichever foot seems to be nearest - and miscues?

England Team for Saturday

Well, we don't know that yet but one thing's for sure - Dan Hipkiss must play. It is about time that he got a full eighty minutes to cause problems for the South African centres..and he would! Come on Brain Ashton - use it wisely!

The European €ommunity...

Long before blue tongue, mad cow, bird 'flu, sheep exports, and wine lakes, butter mountains, acid rain, high cholesterol, Bernard Laporte etc etc, the English were famous for one particular product - warm beer. No superchilled Guinness, no 'Stella's For The Fellas Who Like Their Lager Strong' or very expensive bottles with a bit of lime poking out of the top.
No. This was true grit (depending on who washed the glasses...) - the smeary containers of frothy slop which could be drunk, thrown, showered in or used as fag butt repositories. Visiting our Clubhouse was always an intimidating experience for the best of Plessis players but the addition of warm beer, cultivated in the bartender's equivalent of global warming, led to them going a bit (more) crazy - taking frequent baths and trying to keep cool. The two poor sods second and third left are still in the recovery position after having been 'saved'  by Mildred, whilst the others are going through the act of bravado that precedes a  salvation with  the Mystic One.

England’s Salvation…

England took on the mighty France last Saturday and came away the winners - a sort of unexpected result given the French flair and skill levels.

Today, at an impromptu press conference, Bernard Lasporte announced that some of his team had fallen under the influence of a talismanic Englishwoman, and he went on to explain “that her touch has affected, afflicted and initiated some of the best rugbymen of all time...”

“I can do nothing. The players are ok one minute and then start trembling from the knees upwards. They adopt a strange expression and it stays with them – forever”

To back up his claim, he produced several photos to illustrate the effect. Before the showdown with England was announced, the ‘Le Parisien’ special correspondent Thomas Castanet (pictured right)  was sent to England to see if he could come up with something. He did.

When he returned - six days later, this is what he looked like…haggard, unfocussed etc etc...

Lasporte was stunned to see the effect that Mystic Mildred had upon such a healthy specimen and immediately took steps to protect his team. Unfortunately for the France XV, Mildred had already got her hands on the talismanic Sebastien Chabal and he was done for (or five – not sure).

Bernardo Lasporte was shocked and it was only hair dye that restored his key player to ‘colour’ before the match on Saturday evening…but Chabal was drained, spent and unable to compete.

another poor victim of Mystic Mildred

“Mystic Mildred has made a big impression on the French – the younger ones are powerless, and they never fully recover. France will think of something but, until then, we only know how to be polite, we do not have such a weapon in France to help us with our game.”

Below is a photo of the teetotal Mildred with Sebastien Chabal after ONLY one night in her grip – the effect she had on his game was AMAZING!

Crepe Expectations..?

So the tournament has gone pear-shaped - or flat? Now that France have been assigned a third or fourth place and South Africa prepare to do battle with England for the Cup, it seems that the final has been played. The French press and public has condemned the tactical gambling of Monsieur Lasporte, while the Argentine captain Agustin Pichot indicated that their World Cup was over. Huh! There is still lots to play for and the public who support the game will expect another commited performance from both teams. Of course, the rich English are flocking in by private jet, parachute or, mostly, with the assistance of hot air - from the press at large. The lumpy South Africa XV were my tip for the trophy - playing and beating France in the Final. Now, England are standing tall and are sure to cause problems- and hopefully Alain Rolland will not buy any of the "truck and trailer"  rubbish that 'Wally' Walsh - the show pony -  blew up for last night. Outside of the Stade De France, is anyone watching the game from somewhere cool? Let us know - make a comment about just how many cans, bottles you are laying in for the 90minutes of Final Fun. Send me a photo of the flippin' event so I can make at least one album - you reticent lot! Most of all...have fun. (Particularly all our friends in Paris, who will look forward to receiving their government skipping rope when Bernie Lasporte takes up his ministerial position!)

On a slightly different note, today marked the birthday of Colin Dickins, another big man in the history of our Club, and also of our origin - The Old Gaytonians. (Before any of you start sniggering, WE had that name a long time before it became 'fashionable' in other circles - or should that be rings?) Anyway, here's a photo of Colin with Peter Chabal - taken at a recent magazine editor's conference...